So much has happened in my life since the last time I gave an update, it's hard to know where to begin. Sometimes I wonder if life fills with dips and hills and switchbacks just to keep us on our toes.
Let's start with the biggest change: I ended a four year relationship about three weeks ago.
My ex-partner was and is a good person, but that doesn't mean the relationship was healthy for either of us. Without going into too many details, we wanted very different things from life, and, unfortunately, he was unwilling to do what was necessary to help me keep the relationship alive. His priorities were misaligned from mine. I wanted intimacy, marriage, and time with him; he wanted video games. I'm not a perfect partner by any means, but I am fiercely loyal and dedicated when it comes to the people I love. I don't jump ship easily, even when I should. I waited years for things to change, but they only got worse, and there's only so much neglect you can go through before your heart completely shatters. It didn't help that I loved him much more than he loved me, even by his own admission.
So, I broke up with him less than a week after our fourth anniversary (which he absolutely failed epically at celebrating with me), and over the last few weeks, I've been moving my things out of his condo. It's hard, leaving someplace where you've built a life with someone, a place where you hoped you'd continue to build your lives together. But joined lives cannot be built only by one person, and that's where our disconnect was. And I wasn't about to stay in a relationship where I had to beg for scraps of my partner's attention any longer. I wasn't going to repeat my marriage.
And to be clear, my ex-partner wasn't verbally abusive like my ex-husband, or degrading, or manipulative, or dangerous, but he was neglectful in some really big ways, and he had no interest in actually changing those behaviors. Even in the conversations we've had since the breakup, he's admitted that yeah, he fucked up majorly. I don't think he's willing to admit the full extent of how he badly he fucked up, but he does at least acknowledge that he didn't try nearly as hard as he pretends he did. And while I don't think that he ever intended to be neglectful, I do think that it was really his unwillingness to grow and change that made him so disconnected from the relationship.
Since the breakup, I've been seeing someone new. We've only gone on a couple of dates so everything is still in the early stages of development, but I genuinely like this person a hell of a lot. He and I have a strong emotional and physical connection, and that's something I want to keep nurturing. I've been miserable the vast majority of my adult life; abused, neglected, mistreated, degraded and demeaned, undervalued, promised things that no one has ever followed through on, taken for granted, and I'm not willing to let that cycle continue. I deserve better than that. I'm worth more than that. I have so much love to offer, and I don't withhold it just because things get rough. So I'm hoping this new connection will continue to grow into something special, because I really, really like this guy.
Now, onto the writing portion. I am busy and stressed out from moving out of the condo, and I haven't had any time to do any writing other than poetry for the last month. Unfortunately, this means I'm going to have to postpone one of the books I was planning to publish this year. The second book in my Olympic Fates Saga is getting pushed back until next year. I'm still releasing A Hold of Spectres (it's coming out in October instead of August), and I'm still releasing A Shift of Crimson in December. So, I will be publishing two of the three books I expected to release before the end of the year.
Last weekend, I had my first author event of the summer, and it was incredibly successful! I was set up in Downtown Oregon City for one of their annual business festivals, and I sold all but 2 books I brought with me (and made over $300!). But even beyond the sales success, multiple people saw my book A Kiss of Glass and rushed over to my table saying, "I've seen your book on Kindle! It's actually next to read on my to-read list!" And ya'll, I cannot even begin to describe that feeling! Knowing that my work is getting out there and that people are recognizing my author name and the covers of my books, is simply unreal. I am beyond grateful and excited for this! It's just a sign that persistence, a willingness to learn, and belief in your own work really does pay off.
Those are my biggest updates right now. Once we get closer to the release of A Hold of Spectres, I'll be posting here about the release date. I am, of course, releasing some of the chapters on here before the book is published so that you can see the earlier drafts of the book. Once the book is completed, but before it's published, I'm going to send it out to all of my newsletter subscribers for FREE! You'll get your own ebook copy before anyone else! So if you haven't subscribed to my newsletter, please do!
Have a great first day of August!
Love and light to you!
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