The House That Built Me

Lidi

Jun 5

#strongwomen #writer #author #entrepreneur #blog #blogger #canadian #alberta #chapter #romance #drama #novel #asaviourspath #excerpt #writing

"Jake! I didn't realize you know where I lived."

The man glided into the front room. Dressed all in black and needing to duck through the doorway, he was formidable. "Everyone who knows how to read a newspaper knows where you live, Ben. The article about this place isn't very hard to find. Maybe you should consider moving."

"Funny, I was just thinking that." He indicated the barstools at the island. "Make yourself at home. I was just about to make some breakfast. What do you eat?" Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure he'd ever seen the man eat. Or drink. He just seemed to subsist on superiority and patronization. But having someone else to cook for was always a sure way to get the creative juices flowing. Ben opened the pantry, waiting for something to speak to him.

"I can't stay. I just wanted to see how you're healing, as a favour to Jeni. Can I have a look?"

Jeni? With a sigh, Ben popped some bagels into the toaster holes sunk into the counter. Would these people ever stop treating him like an invalid?

Ben noticed the wrinkles Jake had around his eyes and on his forehead. There was grey at his temples, too. Self-consciously, Ben touched his own hairline, wondering when he'd start to show age. Time was going by too quickly. Every year was shorter than the last, and he wondered if Jake could see the far end of the cosmic conveyor belt he was on.

"How do you feel, Ben?"

He shook the thought off. "Tip top. You know you're not my nurse anymore, right? Sit down. You can at least stay for bagels."

Jake stared, his dark eyes unreadable except for their usual somberness. "Do you ever just think about how far you've come in life, Ben?"

Spreading cream cheese on an everything bagel, Ben considered the question. "Yeah, I guess so. You?"

Jake's fingers absently drummed the table. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm doomed to repeat history for the rest of my life," he murmured, so softly that Ben turned to hear better. Jake was staring out the glass wall at the mountains.

"What do you mean?" Chills ran up and down his arms, as though a breeze was blowing through his freshly washed hair.

"You asked me about my father a long time ago." Still, Jake stared off in the distance, as though in another world. "He was a first-generation Canadian citizen, and joined up when he was a teen. He made sure I joined as well. He was not a very nice man, Ben. He frightened my mother, and made her run away. Even though he was funny, and generous, and smart, he was also self-righteous and cruel. He hurt her. Very badly."

"Did he ever hurt you?" Ben asked carefully, moving closer to Jake as though that could shield him from the painful resonance of this story.

"Sometimes. But I never got it as badly as she did. I did what I could to help her, but…I couldn't make her stay."

This rang as loud as a bell in Ben's heart. "Where are they now?"

"Both dead for a long time, now."

He stared at his bagel, then forced himself to look back. "I'm sorry."

"I promised I would never be like him, but sometimes I wonder if we can even help it sometimes." Finally, Jake looked up. "Our parent's blood is in our veins, after all. It's not like we can just pour it all out."

Ben shivered. He hated blood. "My mother ran away from my dad, too. I think. But I don't even remember my father. Sometimes I wonder if I even had one."

"That's good. Sometimes it's better not to remember. Maybe then you'll have a chance."

"I think you have a chance, too, Jake. You're a great person. A paternalistic pain in the butt sometimes – well, all the time. But I know your heart's in the right place. I don't know where I'd be without you."

Jake's molten chocolate eyes shimmered. "Really? Sometimes I wonder if I'm helping anyone at all."

Impulsively, Ben reached out his arms and hugged him. It felt strange, to cross this barrier between rivals and friendship. At that moment, Jake was not the man that Lanie had chosen first. He was simply a man, like Ben, trying his best and hoping to leave his mark. "You are. Trust me."

Slowly, Jake's arms came up around Ben. "You wouldn't say that if you really knew who I am. The things I've done."

"You know, I said something like that to someone long ago. Do you believe in God, Jake?"

"I do. I go to church as much as I can, and read my Bible every day. What about you?"

"I'm really not sure. I think I want to. I'm definitely not good enough yet. Rowan Anderson told me that she loved me no matter what. She really didn't know me, but I could feel that her words were true. I remember that from when I used to go to church, and I kind of miss it. But I thought I'd pass along her advice not to let your past hold you back."

They looked at each other, and then simultaneously burst into laughter. "It's easier said than done, isn't it?" Jake said ruefully. Had he ever seen Jake laugh?

"You can say that again. But maybe there's something to it. Whatever it is you think you've done, you should know that we all looked up to you in Qalcad. I'm sure you noticed that Damian and Terrence basically worshipped the ground you walked on."

Jake laughed again, and Ben manoeuvred him to the barstool, pushing on his shoulders until he sat. "I always wished for a dozen little brothers. I miss Qalcad. I miss the Forces."

"Do you think you'll go back?" Ben slid another bagel to him, then turned to work on his own second before Jake could protest.

"No. Maybe I'll do another Towers mission, one day, though, when things settle down here. As much as I love serving my country, I'm not a fan of the long contracts. I like to keep things flexible."

"You sound like Lanie. I didn't think she could ever be tied down."

The delicate silence was punctuated by Jake's chewing. At last, he swallowed. "How's that going?"

"I hope you don't think I stole her from you. You guys did break up, after all. She came on to me."

"That's not what I'm worried about, and you know it."

Ben wished he hadn't brought her up. He started making coffee in his French press. "It's okay. We've agreed to take things slow."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, Ben. I promise." Ben braced himself for Jake to do just that. "It's just that I know women like her, and it never ends well. I think you both have a lot of work to do on yourselves."

The fridge door banged after the cream cheese was returned. "I am working on myself. I've been doing nothing but work on myself for months. And what do you mean, women like her?"

Jake didn't flinch. "Women who've been through hell and lived to tell about it. Everything that allowed her to survive will make it difficult for you to have a relationship, unless she can acknowledge that she's not in an emotional warzone anymore."

"It's fine, Jake. I'm an adult. I know what I'm doing."

Jake stared, and Ben noticed the tiniest twitch of his eye. He gripped the edge of the table, preparing for battle. But then Jake just shook his head. "I don't think you know what you're doing with that French press."

Ben turned, then laughed at what was apparently Jake's attempt at a joke. He was relieved that they were going to let it go. "Well, you're welcome to it. I think one of the pieces is missing. It's the weirdest thing – I keep finding things in here that aren't quite right."

"Do you think you've had a break-in?"

"No…I've got a pretty good security system. It's probably just from when Lilah was living here."

"When was the last time you changed the code on your door? Had the locks checked on your balcony?"

Ben's face heated. "I don't know. A while."

Jake tried for another playful chastisement. "You know, I'm not always going to be here to protect you. You need to learn how to do some things for yourself."

"I do plenty for myself, thank you very much. I'm a certified contractor."

"I just want you to be careful. It's a dangerous world out there, and you've got to make sure you take care of yourself."

"Yeah, yeah. Here, have a bagel before you make me starve to death on your behalf. You're skin and bones, McGuinness. What has Jeni been feeding you?"

Jake smiled, flexing his deep and very muscly chest. "Lots. Don't worry."

"I can't believe both of my hot nurses ended up hooking up? What kind of universe is it?"

"I promise, Ben, the last thing we talk about is you. And weren't hooking up back then. She was…my friend. We tried to make a go of it once, a long time ago, but I scared her off. I hadn't really talked to her until I asked her to be your home care aid. And after that, well, we just started talking again. But that's all I thought it would ever be. I'll never be good enough for someone like her."

Ah. He'd heard that before. He shrugged. "So, no hard feelings about Lanie?"

"Like I said, we were never really together. She's more like a sister."

"A sister that you used to sleep with?"

"Just don't get your heart broken, okay, kiddo? I don't want to have to pick up the pieces."

"It wouldn't be the first time. I can handle it."

Jake watched him sceptically. "Why don't we just have some normal coffee, and I can help you feel a little safer."

Relieved not to be alone in his now-creepy home, he agreed. While Jake was fiddling with the security equipment, Ben fiddled with the elastic band that he'd fished out of Jake's pocket during their embrace. Now he confirmed what he'd seen earlier – it belonged to Lanie. It was a plain black, extra thick, and the smell of her was like needles in his nose. He was also grateful for the confirmation that he'd been looking for – to help Lanie navigate out of her warzone, he had to survey the landscape.

Thanks for Stopping by!

I hope you liked what you saw. What did you think of the topic? Leave a comment and start a discussion with your thoughts! Don't forget to like and share with your best friends, mortal enemies, and everyone in between. Come back later to see if your icon appears in my subscriber cloud! Even better, validate my work by leaving a tip to support this (not actually) starving author. You can also support my company, Planet Hope Christian Enterprising, by donating to our crowdfunds on at GoFundMe and FundRazr down below. We are a non-profit providing pay-what-you-can creative and communication services to individuals and organizations - including you! By donating, you can help us reach our goal to provide top-rate creative and support services to charities and others who would like our help. But we can't do it without your support, so even if you can't give financially, please like, share, subscribe, and comment. Many blessings to you today and every day.

Stripe

Patreon