I suppose I could keep talking about what I hear in meetings, but I feel a little insecure about it. It feels obsessive. Fact is, we're obsessive people and part of the idea is that it's a whole lot better all around to be somewhat obsessed with the program rather than the bottle.
I woke up with some idea that I'd like to walk every day, directly after coffee. But I felt a pull to do a meeting. I must do it twice a day. I'm physically isolated right now, and while in some ways a little solitude can reap benefits, it's a double edged sword with a dangerous side. And so the 2 meetings bridge the isolation gap.
It's well-established that the night one I go to is a very good one, there's another one that I've noticed leans toward being very good called "Zoo Crew/Check up from the Neck Up."
I could go into what was good about it, but again I'm feeling sheepish about these topics and furthermore I took notes in my hand journal anyway.
Yes, obsession. I don't think we're free of it, the lot of us chemical dependents, until we pass on. But it isn't always bad. And since humans are complex, it's rarely just one. If it *seems* to be merely one obsession, that is the particular obsession getting the spotlight in a given moment while the other obsessions wait in the wings. Right now I am obsessed with "the program" and this is a Needed thing right now. Holy shit, if any of us haven't been able to eliminate our poison drinking habit, and attending up to 4 virtual meetings a day and being all around obsessive about it will pull us through, then my god, go ahead and attend 4 damn meetings. Right now I do two, but if I begin darkly ruminating and being how I was on Monday, then I will attend 4 that day if needed. The sub-obsession to this general obsession right now is my goal of attending some local in-person meetings tomorrow night and this weekend. Which is a very good thing because one should find a sponsor if they want to succeed, and mine shall be local. She shall meet with me for coffee. Although it's permissible, I'll be damned if my sponsor lived in Idaho or Australia.
Obsession. Non-escapable. Deal with it, embrace it. Just don't allow it to latch onto anything that does not serve you. I have been a work-a-holic in the past. That isn't good either. They are always (or mostly) getting more effort and soul out of you than you are getting money out of them. So don't be all extra-curricular. Especially if you're on salaried pay! Even for a standard 40 hours, you're being forced to get your workouts in either early morning or late nights (if you like/need working out...) You may also commute. That eats up time. You then have perhaps an hour to engage some beloved hobby before bed time and after eating, but more than likely you're so fucking exhausted after giving your all that you are now watching TV or reading in bed. Few genuinely feel that their job is their "calling". Most simply feel good about doing well at their job, they may enjoy some aspects of it, and really just enjoy earning their pay and receiving heaps of praise. That was me. I would at times do 60 hours as a recruiter because I was good at it, and I was loved. But I believe that work-life balance during the work-week is an illusion. Workers live for the weekends. And surprise, surprise, the alcoholic work-a-holic has a quick way to reward him or herself for their noble sacrifice of life and soul. And then instead of figuring out a different career or whatever else they need to do, they just keep getting buried deeper and deeper and that precious weekend time, so short, so few hours, is now spent either pulling through hangovers or in a fog of "wasted" (literally - nonproductive) and intoxicated time.
Anyway. Moving on to general obsession.
When I visualize how the pallette of non-escapable and healthier obsessions might look for me, it goes like this: Music, sex, hiking/the outdoors, and Meetup.com attendance and hosting. Because yes I will give hosting another go.
It can take smaller forms. The hold button on my Sony mp3 player is not working. The damn thing will not come off hold status. No functionality. So now I will set aside time to research how to fix this on the support site. I can't mail it in for repair right now (postage!) so if nothing else I may open the damn thing up and watch a YouTube about this issue. And then I will learn something. See, it isn't bad. You don't see intoxicated people fixing electronics and learning things.
And now the meal is done.
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