For the 3rd night in a row, cold sweat is the rudest of awakenings. Debating whether to partake in sleeping pills or not. He's been gone for nearly 4 years now. Holidays are still a struggle at times. His decline began on Christmas night unknown to me. Our last conversation took place on this day of days. "Merry Christmas, I love you too. Please come home soon."

it's been years since I've slept peacefully. Now my eyes play tricks on me at night occasionally. Thankfully the auditory sounds of the hospital diminished significantly. Thanks yet again to that non-denominational guardian angel of mine. Pace yourself grief isn't a sprint it's lifelong. Lake stays close even as I hide away from the world for a while.

For the next hour or two, I dive into my work full speed sleep can wait. Word counts, strong characters, and backstories I've yet to polish up and send in. Christian, Dad, Micah I miss you guys and grief is kicking my ass. Somewhere between the 9th page and the beginning of the end, I drift off. The three of you before me reassuringly and lovingly say that I have enough strength to face the coming days.

Healing is messy and it's taking too long but I know you're right.

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