The Magpie Diary: Aug. 18, 2024.

By Jen Shoop on August 18, 2024

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A girlfriend of mine introduced me to the podcast A Thing or Two this week and I've listened to several episodes while running (typically, running is a For Music Only undertaking, but it turns out that you can teach an old dog new tricks, so here we are). It's like going for a jog with two funny, observant girlfriends but not having to say anything myself. In one of them, Erica and Claire discuss the concept of things that are "regrettably worth it" (RWIs, in their patois), with Skims and "stretching" as demonstrative examples. (Ha!) I found the notion delightful and drew up my own list:

Ironing and tailoring clothes

Dressing for the weather

Going to bed early

Avoiding high heels

Hunza G swimsuits (they fit and flatter everyone, I STG)

Waiting before responding when you are angry

Investing in a no-skips, high quality underwear drawer (all our favorites here)

Being the bigger person

Professional blowouts when you want to feel your best

Mainly, these are things that are unsexy and involve some measure of mature restraint or parsimonious pre-calculation. For example, I absolutely loathe spending money at the tailor, and yet I always find the results worth it. You not only look better but feel better when clothes fit you properly, and you also tend to prolong the lifespan of the garment, as you are more likely to wear something that fits well. Still, you should see the way I drag my feet to avoid the errand. I feel a strange mix of virtuousness and profligacy when I complete it. It feels "responsible" and "adult," and I know I'll appreciate the results, but it's also a dry-as-dust way to spend $100.

On the things-that-are-over-marketed-but-still-really-good-and-really-worth-it side of the conversation, I'd have to put Hunza G swimsuits (love the Pamela in particular), Lake Pajamas, Hanky Panky lace unders (specifically in the neutral colors - I don't even mess around with colored ones anymore; these are invisible beneath white/semi-sheer), Clarins Double Serum, Merit makeup (for that low-maintenance, barely-there everyday cosmetic routine), and Boll & Branch sheeting. Are they everywhere all at once? Yes, but I swear by them and buy them routinely, and I know most -- or many -- of you do, too. (*N.B. that a Magpie reader recently asked for my favorite sheeting and I said I prefer my Boll & Branch to Matouk. Matouk has better patterns, but I found it much more prone to wrinkling, and the B&B soften with each wash in the most appealing way. However, if you're looking to invest, I would take a look at Yves Delorme. I've slept on their sheeting in several nice hotels and it is incredible. But for a budget, don't miss Target's 400 thread-count sheeting -- I bought this originally as a "back up set" for our primary bedroom and now cycle it in with my B&B without hesitation. Surprisingly well-made for a great price.)

Curious what you might add to this list, whether on the side of boring-things-that-are-definitely-worth-doing, or hyped items that you reluctantly tried and admittedly love? (I just ordered my Dyson AirWrap and am very curious about where this one will land. I've heard some women rant about it, and others rave about it. But, as Erica and Claire pointed out, one woman's RWI is another woman's RNWI (regrettably not worth it).)

On a totally different thread, I thought a lot this week about how to navigate criticism when you are building something, and generally how to work through the awkwardness of starting something new. The theme seemed to be everywhere I looked this week. It started when a Magpie reader emailed me about it (as I mentioned yesterday), and then I found the motif cropping up elsewhere:

+I went to see Caroline Chambers speak and she touched on the early days of starting her now-massively-popular Substack (specifically citing the times she'd beg friends and aunts to like her early instagram posts) and the imposter-syndrome "roil" of waiting for her book to come out and worrying it would be hated, would miss the mark, etc;

+Tinx said that "everything is cringe until you become good at it";

+Grace Atwood talked about a trending essay that someone wrote about how Substack is contributing to the mediocrity of writing these days that she (Grace, along with other readers) found wounding.

I shared some encouragement for athletes-at-the-start-line in yesterday's post, but one thing I have been asking myself on this subject is how to draw the line between staying open to feedback and knowing when to "make like a duck" and let things slick right off your back (easier said than done). I've been in the company of a few people who navigate this quandary well, and they seem to possess a rare mix of confidence and anti-ego. I am thinking of a former boss who was astoundingly self-assured (especially on a dais, or when pitching -- airtight, headstrong, convicted in his own thinking), but would also sit with you and display incredible humility and open-mindedness in taking feedback. I always thought he had a finely tuned B.S. radar. He used questions to un-stick himself when he felt he was being unfairly critiqued or probed by someone lacking the credential to do so. ("I'm so curious why you'd say that -- can you tell me more?" and "Hm. What led you to that assumption?" A lot of nervous chair-scraping and throat-clearing followed.) But more often than not, he'd sit in the hot seat, graciously take the feedback, and then let it evaporate into thin air immediately afterward. I remember many post-presentation walks in which I'd trot alongside him, my mind swirling with thoughts to share in our debrief, and he'd already have let the entire thing go. "What's next, Jen?" he'd ask. I think he made an early peace with Emerson's theorem: "to be successful is to be misunderstood," and knew intuitively to put his energy into what mattered to him, which is to say, the forward movement of his business--and not battling or worrying about every dissenting opinion over how he was doing it. I see now the strength of vision this required of him, and his adeptness in quickly differentiating between useful feedback and noise. He knew how to let the right ones in.

How do we get there, though? I think it all comes back to the "that's one data point" perspective I shared yesterday. This is not only a functional practice but a way of taking the sting out of the bee, you know? Like - "OK, thanks for that one opinion; who's next?" Back in my product development days, we'd say "feedback is a gift," and we'd organize it into categories, look for patterns, and place the outliers at the very bottom of the grid. So let the bogus feedback filter to where it properly belongs.

Is this helpful?

Possibly no, because no matter what strategies and visualizations you have in place, no matter how humble you intend to be, there is nothing quite like being told you are out of line, not doing a good job, failing at something you are trying really hard to do well. Even if you realize it says more about the speaker. Even if you treat it as "one data point." It hurts! And it sucks! And if you are licking your wounds right now, the most helpful thing I can say is that this, too, will pass, and one day, you will realize that this feedback galvanized you in ways you can't now imagine. You'll work harder because of it, incorporate the feedback and get better because of it, or develop a thick skin that will make future unpleasantness easier. So, as we say, onward --

****

Also this week...

A lot of Baby-Sitters Club // My girl and I twinning in If Only If nightgowns

The best scalp scrub ever has been in heavy rotation was we round the end of summer -- the best for getting sweat, chlorine, sand, sunscreen out of your hair! I use in lieu of shampoo 1-2x a week. The prelude to a great hair day. And it's on sale here! (Today is the final day of Shopbop's 20% off beauty promotion -- all my picks here. But trust me, this one you need.)

While we're talking beauty, Honest sent me a bundle of their bestsellers, and I am really liking their gentle calendula facial cleanser and wipes. A facialist once told me not to overspend on cleansers since they spend so little time on your face, and this one (under $20) is a new favorite that fits the bill. And on the left: new UBeauty lip plasma colors! I absolutely love this product. I noticed that my girlfriend had one in her bag the other day -- and we'd never talked about them before! They plump your lips and come in the best colors. 20% off with JENSHOOP! Actually, I like them so much, I want to gift one to a reader who. needs to be introduced to their magic. Just leave a comment and I'll randomly pick a winner to send a tube to!

Some little vignettes of inspiration and creativity: still making my way through Margaret Renkl's Comfort of Crows book (a series of short musings on the natural world -- I try to read one with coffee in the morning when I can) and some hand-drafting in my beloved Appointed notebooks. I was writing in green ink, which always reminds me of one of my best friends, who ONLY writes in green ink. Our lives become mosaics of the people we love...

My daughter, an extension of my own gesture: mothering her Beanie Boos and creating a library in our bathroom. I saw these two moments and I thought of that gutting poem, "Beattie Is Three":

We take our time
Down the steep carpetway
As I wish silently
That the stairs were endless..

Finally, I took no photos when I took a girlfriend to see Caroline Chambers speak at The Lincoln Theater on U Street, but the energy at that event was beautiful: women cheering for other women. At one point, a baby was crying and Caro said: "I just want to say, to whoever brought that baby, I'm so happy you're here!" The kind of crew you want to be a part of.

I did, however, take a photo of my frozen spicy watermelon margarita from Jane Jane, and it feels like a good place to wrap this week -- a snapshot of sisterhood and watermelons, a subject about which Erica and Claire had some hilarious commentary earlier this week, too! (Look up their podcast in which they interview Tessa Bailey and you'll understand. Did you know there are male and female watermelons?!)

And lastly, would it even be a Magpie Sunday without a little shopping poetry?

First: for my fellow runners, Tracksmith is running a rare sale that ends today. I was late to the party (thanks to a Magpie for alerting me!). This is the best quality running gear on the market IMO. I bought extra pairs of their Twilight shorts and Harrier tees. I especially like their turnover tights for cold weather - they somehow keep you warm but are non-bulky. Just exceptionally well-made. I find their bottoms run TINY and go up a size. Tops run TTS.

Boxer short summer - I love these in navy and these in stripe // Your baby girl needs this Canadian tuxedo // Contemplating buying a birdfeeder, and this one is at the top of my list // CHIC under $100 clutch // A perfect reversible coat // LOVE this poplin dress, just which color to get?! // If you don't have one of these Ubbi bath toy organizers, you need one (bottom has a tray that drains water so toys don't get moldy) // Best scalp scrub (20% off) // Kule tees forever // My favorite lip plumper