White noise is soothing. A loud automobile fan blocks out the surrounding sound of traffic.
Everyone is odd. Shallow capitalistic transactions. Odd world. This morning I don't feel home at the house, but I suspect I would not feel home at the apartment either. I'm left with a car that feels like a space-craft because I'm an alien. A stranger in a strange land.
Wherever I go, I'll be a bit listless. Perhaps post food coffee will help. In the meantime, whilst so decisive it makes the most sense to just stay where I am at - the house - until I feel more motivated. It'd be nice to recapture, one of these days, all the qualities I used to have and quite liked about myself.
I spent the whole morning unable to figure out what this feeling is. Well, via the process of writing just now (thus thinking), I have figured out that what's happening is disassociation. I didn't think I was one of the people who did that. But apparently I am, and actually it's happened before. I had simply forgotten.
It's supported by the first dose of lex in a few days, but that's not wholly the cause, because I woke up feeling quite listless and off. I simply pushed the feeling further by popping a pill because there was sadness and vulnerability upon waking, and, not wishing to feel these things in addition to having little energy, I popped a pill. Which then supported becoming an alien by accident. But, that's OK because some food and espresso may level things out. If it continues after that, I may research grounding methods that will assist in eradicating the sensation of suddenly being a homeless alien.
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