Annie Edson Taylor

Robert Garnham

May 27

Annie Edson Taylor

The first person who went over Niagara Falls in a barrel
Was Annie Edson Taylor.
It wasn't some daredevil gentleman in a wax moustache,
It was Annie Edson Taylor.
She had grey hair and a severe bun and looked
For all the world like a Sunday school teacher,
Because she was a Sunday school teacher.
Times were hard in 1901
And she was Annie Edson Taylor.

She can be seen in grainy photos,
Her black skirts and sensible boots, and a pure white
Long-sleeved blouse done up with a collar and a brooch,
She looked like she took no prisoners.
I'm going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, she said,
And good luck to anyone who tried to
Talk her out of it.
Annie Edson Taylor.
And she would do it quickly.
Taylor swift!

Things are getting desperate and you need some dough
Fortune comes with fame it's the only thing you know
Your life has been so normal so I guess it's just a blip.
You jump into a barrel ride that river to the lip.

Heart in your mouth as you plummet like a stone.
The world will know your name but for now you are alone.
You demonstrate resilience, you're ever so brave.
Perhaps you won't be buried in that nameless pauper's grave.

The beast she tamed was seldom forgiving but for her
It purred like a cat.
The other beast was destitution
And that was far less placid, and it roared like a tiger.
Annie Edson Taylor,
You disappeared,
Conned out of your money, your belongings stolen,
And time ran out, you faded,
Annie Edson Taylor,
Subsumed into the fuzz and static of folklore.

My mate Ethan wears shorts when he's
Riding around on his moped.
And he thinks that's pretty dope,
But you went over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
That's the last time I moan
Before going to the dental hygienist .
You went over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
You were Annie Edson Taylor.
Noone can take that away,
You were Annie Edson Taylor.
You were audacious.
You were Annie Edson Taylor.
You were sixty two.
You were Annie Edson Taylor.
Sticking it to the men.
You were Annie Edson Taylor.
Queen of the mist.
Annie Edson Taylor.
You died in poverty.
Annie Edson Taylor.