In those angry moments where your heart thirsts for revenge, don't worry about it because everyone has their day in the sun and their day of emotional pain. In many cases, though not all, we bring our suffering on ourselves via choices and Karma connected to those choices. And this is true of the people who have hurt you as well. This is where I'm sitting. But I now put that thought out into the universe for the others like me.
Positive anger is connected to motivation. It's the driving force that allows you to stand up for yourself against the forces in both yourself and the outside world that would tear you down and keep you oppressed. The qualifier, "positive" refers to controlling the anger and putting it into action. Taking control rather than letting anger take the driving wheel and control you.
Going to the gym and working out hard is a form of positive anger. Putting life's daily irritations into that.
Positive anger needs to be mixed with compassion and that's the tricky part.
In eastern philosophies, there's no talk of positive anger (unless there is a term for it I am unfamiliar with - entirely possible), but compassion is constantly mentioned. That's because there's something to it. Yes.
My problem with spirituality at large, therapy and a program such as Alcoholics Anonymous is that there's an overabundance of warm fuzziness and a downplaying of the value of richeous positive anger. If someone has mistreated you and/or you have mistreated yourself because of your upbringing, it's natural that you'd feel angry and need to vent that.
I understand that resentment itself needs to be mitigated and one should work to eliminate it. But there's an unrealistic vibe in AA, a pollyanna-ish thing that I've always struggled with and that ultimately is the reason it never works.
I was up earlier than I wanted to be, yet it was close to 6 a.m. so I think I got enough sleep. I had to put in earplugs last night. Hotel life is becoming difficult. I smell cigarette smoke and people make noise at night. The toilet has something wrong with it and I have to ask to get it fixed on my way out. It makes me angry, but it's just a problem that needs to be fixed. I reminded myself that this is the cost of peace. And yet I am realizing some of the good things from the living environment that I was in before.
I think I expected more peace and, as stated last night, I didn't expect the place to be so shitty for the cost.
I feel unsettled, and that sense of not being settled is why I was bothersome to her before. I will expand on that more in the next entry.
I feel like I could write for hours, and that doing so would be good for me. Yet I have to go to work. It's difficult to hide at work and be hospitality-upbeat right now. I have so much to sort through and repair, yet I have to do stupid things during the day.
I force myself to focus on the fact that I went straight to bed last night because I was hungover and sleep deprived. Going forward there will be time at night to write and sort my thinking out.
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