The Love of His Life

Lidi

Jun 22

#strongwomen #writer #author #entrepreneur #blog #blogger #canadian #alberta #chapter #romance #drama #novel #asaviourspath #excerpt #writing

There was movement in the yard, and she flew to the window, hiding just beyond the frame to peer out. She was still for a moment, watching, then rushed out the door.

"What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.

Sitting on one of the patio chairs, Ben met her idiotic grin with a warm one of his own. He extended his hand. "Lanie."

Wishing her mouth was bigger so she could smile more, she knelt beside him, resting her elbows on his thigh and looking up into his face. That beautiful, lovely face. "I was just thinking about you!"

His eyes widened. "Really? Why's that?"

She slapped his arm. "We're getting married tomorrow, dummy. And, I'm always thinking about you. You're like a persistent itch."

He laughed, and her heart sang. She couldn't see his very well eyes in the dimness and the shadow cast by the canopy of the umbrella, but she could just imagine that they were sparkling. "You don't know how to give compliments, do you?"

She pouted, and he brushed a finger over her lips. "Hey! That was a compliment."

His hand moved until he was cupping her cheek, and she was sure she would melt. "You're terrible at compliments, and you can be pretty abrasive at times."

The fluttery bubbliness in her chest stuttered. "I'm sorry? Was that supposed to be a compliment?"

He laughed again, and she scowled at him. "You're stubborn, bossy, patronizing, and jumpy, and you don't let a lot of people into that secretive world of yours."

"Are…are you breaking up with me?" He was doing that thing again. Confounding her with nonsense. Still just smiling at her like he knew something she didn't.

With a groan, he stood, then reached down to pull her to her feet. "Come here."

Wordlessly, she followed him down the steps of the deck and over the path of stones. But instead of taking her to the gazebo or the hot tub, he led her onto the grass and made her lay down.

For a moment, he just gazed up at the stars while she leaned on her elbow and stared down at him. "Bennett!" she finally snapped when a small smile played over those frustratingly perfect lips. She wanted to do less speculating and more kissing, but she had to know what was going on in that oversized head of his.

"Can I tell you something?"

She clenched her jaw. "I suppose."

"Oh, let's add overly-suspicious to the list."

"What list?"

He tugged on her hair until it fell loose, draping over his chest. He pushed a lock behind her ear. "The list of reasons why I love you. It's quite long."

"It sounds like there's nothing but bad things on it." She pulled her hair over one shoulder where it was harder for him to reach. "Well, I have my own list. You have the nerve to call me stubborn? Well, you give stubborn a whole new definition hitherto unseen by mankind!"

He smirked. " 'Hitherto unseen?' "

"You're intrusive. And talk about bossy! You plowed on through and built all this stuff without asking me. I never know what crazy thing you're going to do next. It's been better the last few months, but sometimes I feel like every day is another crank of a jack-in-the-box and I never know when the thing is going to jump out at me!"

He was really laughing now, infuriating her even more. "Are you done?"

"No! I've got lists, too, Bennett Murray Goldberg. You're arrogant, and you're too sexy for your own good, and messy."

"I'm messy? No I'm not, I – "

"You are! This house used to be sterile, and tidy. And now there's…crap! Everywhere! Blankets and books and pencils, electronics, and beauty products every time I open a cupboard or take a step. What do you even need those products, for anyway? What do you need books for when you're already smarter than everyone else in the world?"

Triumphant, crossed her arms, and stared him down, annoyed when all he did was grin at her with eyes that sparkled in the floodlights. "You're so feisty," he murmured. "That's also on the list."

"What list? I swear to God, Ben, if you don't tell me right now – " She was so stressed she was worried that her heart would beat out of her chest. This galling man. Sometimes she just wanted to strangle him.

So much for pre-wedding bliss.

"I was getting to that, my little firecracker." His chortling filled the night. "I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life getting you all riled up. How lucky am I?"

"It's going to be a short life if you don't explain yourself."

Finally, he sobered. "It's something I was praying about, just now. I'm here, of course, because I can't stay away from you, but I also got a call. And I got a revelation."

Now she was less piqued and more fascinated. "Really? What was it about?"

"About what's been missing. What you really need."

She crossed her arms again. "Oh, really. You and the big man upstairs, you decided this all by yourselves. Tell me, oh great whisperer of women, what is that I need?"

Sitting up, he faced her, cross-legged. "You need the same thing that I needed. The thing that I was searching for all my life. It's the missing piece, Lanie."

"Uh-huh."

"Do you know what I think kept sending me into depression? What's been responsible for the whole, crazy mess that's been my life as far as I can remember?"

She hated when talked down about himself. She took his hands, smoothing her thumbs over his skin. "What, B?"

He sighed. "It was that loneliness. That desperate, aching loneliness, wondering why no one I cared about stayed, and then believing that I had to run away from anyone who actually did want to stay with me. It was because I was scared of being seen. I didn't think it was possible that if someone saw all of me, all of the dark, nasty parts, that they would want to stay, because I was so sure that's what made me unlovable in the past. I felt just like you, feeling like every day could be the day when I have the rug pulled out from under me, because I let something slip, and they saw.

Even though it was the same sad story she'd heard from him so many times, this time, he was smiling as though he were recounting a fishing trip with the guys. She knew she should just wait and see where this Ben-ologue was going, and that there was no point trying to rush him, or he would just become distracted and start needling her.

"So, I want you to know. You keep acting like I'm going into this blind. Like I don't know who you really are. You think I'm putting you up on a pedestal, that I think you're perfect. Honey, believe me, I know you're not." He simpered cheekily when she shoved his shoulder. "I'm not joking when I say that I understand that you've got flaws. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. And honestly, I think a lot of the things you think are flaws are really not. I don't think it's a flaw that you're not into making house, or cooking, or shopping for my beauty products. I don't think that it's a flaw that you're stubborn, even more stubborn than I am. I think you're strong, and you fight for what's important to you, and you never, ever give up."

She swallowed hard. "See? No matter how much I try to warn you, you turn it around with your optimism or whatever. There are things I've done…things you can't even imagine…You don't see me. You don't know me."

Maybe this was a bad idea. For a brief moment, she'd forgotten about her past and her proclivities. She'd forgotten who she really was. She wasn't a white-picket fence housewife. She was the sharkiness of Melanie mixed with the unrealistic dreaminess of Fiona and the sneaky snakiness of Alexandra. She was a petri dish of unmarriageable pathogens.

"I do. I do see you. I see you spiralling right now. Lanie, remember what happened when you jumped into the river half-naked with your ex-BDSM partner and the pastor who's like your father? What did that day mean to you?"

She shrugged, looking down at her hands.

"It meant that you decided to start fresh, Lanie. You decided to let someone love you – the most important Someone there is. Someone who does know absolutely everything about you. Past, present, and future, inside and out. I can only dream that I could know you that well one day, but not only would that take a lifetime, it would mean that I was God. And God, as great as He is, can't do this." He kissed her. With powerful tenderness, he pulled her to him, and tilted her head, and stole her breath. "Or this." Sliding a hand up her thigh, he gripped her hip, then savored her neck, making her cry out in surprise and agony. Breathless, she started to pull back, but he was already doing the same. "And everything else that I'm going to do to you tomorrow, and the rest of our lives. Our very long lives, no matter how much you threaten me. You wouldn't hurt me. I'm not going to say you're not dangerous, because I've seen it. I know you are. But you wouldn't hurt me."

"If you stay on my good side."

"Luckily, I've learned a thing or two the last few years. If I keep you fed and do the laundry, and stay out of your way during Shark Week, I generally do alright."

"Oh, I forgot that you're a misogynistic prick. Let's add that to my list."

"Ah, yes. The love list."

She sucked in a breath, and he held up a finger.

"Now, I know that you asked me not to say it. I know those words were used as some sort of prison, some sort of excuse that people pulled out when they wanted something from you, or wanted to hurt you. Don't get me wrong, I've thrown that word around in my heyday when it didn't really mean anything. Mostly because I was hoping it would mean something. So believe me, I'm no expert on love, not really. But by doing what you've asked me, and not saying it, I think I've learned about what it really means. So that when I say it to my future wife – "

"I am your wife."

"When I say it to my future wife who is also my current wife on the day before our wedding, I want it to mean everything I want it to mean. Just like when I tried to say it to you the day of our other wedding. And the day that we found out that you were pregnant with the twins. When I say this to you, I want you to remember those conversations. And everything else I've said to you." He grabbed her face, and suddenly, all traces of humour were gone, and he stared at her with an intensity that was stomach dropping. She felt herself slipping away into those hypnotic pools, but he gripped her face harder. Not painfully, but insistently. "Listen to me. If there's ever a time for you to let me in, it's now. I love you. And love can be painful, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"It…doesn't have to be a bad thing…" she parroted, dazed.

"That's right. I love you. Not perfectly, but it is real. Those other people, the ones who said it to use you, that wasn't love. That was bad. But the way I love you, and the way I know you love me, it's not bad. It's good. It's a little taste of heaven. It's a reflection of the way God feels about us. That's how I love you. And the next time we're together, I need you to really let me in. Not physically. But in your heart. That's the missing piece, Lanie."

He blinked, and that smile started in the silvery depths of his eyes again. She realized she hadn't been breathing, and took a shaking inhale as she pulled back. She wasn't sure where she even was for a minute. It had been a long time since he'd done that to her, and she still wasn't sure if he fully understood the power he had over her. She wasn't sure if he knew that she would do absolutely anything for him, no matter the cost, no matter what. She would give him the heart out of her chest if he asked.

She wiped her cheeks, which were suddenly wet. "You're everything to me. Anything you want, all you have to do is ask. You don't need to do anything crazy. Just ask me, okay?"

He looked at her for a moment, then smiled. "Deal."

Thanks for Stopping by!

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