I learned something about myself this weekend and I'm not sure what to make of it.
It seems that I have lost my ability to just sit down and relax.
Life has been busy. Since I have been feeling better, I feel driven to do as much as possible. Life has taken me out on adventures but I'm also working in my yard, attempting to reclaim poison ivy laden flower beds, cut down some brush, and make the place look a little more presentable.
I won't bore you with all the other big and small projects keeping me busy but the point is that lunch breaks have been almost nonexistent and my evenings and weekends are full. Most evenings I head straight to the shower at dusk, hungry and covered in pollen and dirt. I can go for days without sitting in my comfy chair or without turning on the tv.
I'm often tired and sore by bedtime. Could I knock off whatever I'm doing a little earlier? Yeah, but the thought of quitting isn't appealing at all.
On Sunday, I bought myself a fun snack, intending to sit in my chair and watch a movie. So I sat in my favorite chair, munching on Planter's Cheese Balls while the tv played and I stared mournfully out the window.
My attempt at relaxation was stressing me out so I finally put on old clothes and headed outside to plant a few things and cut some brush.
On the one hand, I'm grateful for the newfound energy and for the gumption to deal with the hard stuff. On the other hand, it would be nice to give my body a break and rest for a while. Yet, the yard work is therapeutic. It has been good for my mental health to dig and pull and strike things with a hoe.
For now, I'm going to keep powering through and be grateful that my body allows me to do so. It is such a shocking difference from this time last year that I'm struggling to see my inability to sit still as a bad thing.
What about you? Do you know how to be still or are you always on the move? I would love to hear your stories.
The above pictures is not my yard. It's at Kingwood Garden Center in Mansfield, Ohio this weekend. The gardens here are amazing so I will show you more pictures tomorrow.
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