Muffin's Monday Chuckles! #7

stevescountry

May 1

Hi everyone! I back again with more chuckles for you to enjoy! I really clawing the carpet to find you fun funnies today. So, here they are...

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As a senior citizen on a fixed income I realize that the days of cheap cell phones are over.

Now, if I fall and hear a crack, I am hoping it is my leg and not my cell phone.

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If you rearrange the letters of postmen, they become very angry.

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Today I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made an appointment for me for next Wednesday.

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So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

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FROM: Human Resources Department
SUBJECT: Restroom Use Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.

Under the policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer- linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of the month each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Human Resources Department. The voice print recognition station will be operational but not restrictive during the entire month. Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.

If the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty-seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located in the Employee Relations Office. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor. They have all received advanced instructions.

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Well, that all for today human people! Hope you have nice day, I be back tomorrow with my daily funny!

Muffin.